When Cries are Not Heard!

I’m seeing the hurt of young men and young girls who have dad’s who refused to step up and be a father. Not because the opportunities weren’t there, but because the lack of addressing their own pain and selfishness that wasn’t put in check. So now you have a generation who cries for attention just to be loved by any means necessary. Not from just anybody but their father. I’m a grown man and the older I get the more emotional I get. Even in my reflective state of mind I see that its hard for me to really express those emotions, how I feel! Sometimes it’s a combination of many things I had to conquer and overcome in my life, but in that same moment I say to myself what do other sons and daughters feel when they don’t even have a clue on how to overcome. So, in the secret places of their hearts and minds they cry internally and externally. What do you do when the actions of Men who were suppose to carry a mantle of fatherhood falter, and never succeed in accomplishing what was suppose to be a download of love, training, nurturing, and direction. It puts a gap in the lives of the next generation following. If our lives were the building mechanics of a bridge to help the next generation and we stop mid-stream, what do they cross over on?

When children stop communicating and revert on the inside crying, their actions begins to speak for them in many ways.

You may say hey “dad” step up and do your job, but sometimes it’s not as easy as many would tend to believe. I now see it from many perspectives of why some dads never step up to the plate of fatherhood and never will. I use to have assumptions on many situations of how people should deal with things in their lives until I had to deal with my own and realized that somethings are not black and white, that grey area gets some people stuck. So, when it comes to being a father or dad, it may come easy to some based off of the influences and guidance that has been poured into their life. But then there’s a group of men that weren’t so lucky or blessed to have any type of guidance that showed them an example of being more than a “Donor”. We say that when boys hurt or fall down they should suck it up, don’t cry, don’t show emotion. But when a learned behavior gets out of control the world around start crying out-loud, but crying out-loud to a behavior that was taught to them.  How do you tell your boys if you cry you’re seen like a little girl?  They don’t know how to effectively express themselves because we told them to shut-up, be a man, suck it up. So now in their subconscious is the idea of not showing emotion, because what you meant to help in teaching them strength turned around to be their perceived weakness. Crying is a symbolism of many forms of emotions: hurting, in pain, being uncomfortable in a specific situation, happiness, overjoyed, feeling loved, excited beyond belief. All of these emotions have very strong roots to the foundation of what may have been nurtured in these lives. We say there are a lot of examples in this world that can help these young men. This is so true and there are organizations and agencies that have put themselves in the community to do what is needed. What happens is for that 2 or 3 hrs these young men are on a high of self -awareness and was given tools to be better than their situation, and also encouraged to be whatever they wanted to be…..well, until they went back home and got comfortable in an environment that sucked the life out of their dreams once again. So now when I might cry, if I cry at all, I cry in silence. Even as I write this Im tearing up because It makes me want to be more involved even in my children lives now more than ever. The statistics of a father not being in the home is 1 to 4 ( in every 4 families, 1 father isn’t going to be present, That number grows exponentially). Some fathers are not present for many reasons. They don’t like the mother and for that reason neglect the child, just don’t care period, they don’t have any commonality with the child, they feel they don’t have anything to offer because their life is not together, may have another family after a divorce and periodically checks in to check the box, or may be incarcerated. Man… listening to these thoughts in my head as I write I have some emotions coming out that is making me upset at the results I’m reading on. After speaking to so many men on this subject and seeing first hand the devastation that happens, the results of our actions are drowning a generation that is trying to survive. Im learning that even in writing this book I’ve put limits on myself because of the insecurities I have allowed to be pillars in my life. The strange thing is the more you overcome those limits in your life you get a revelation of how others may have struggles coming out of their limitations. You have a generation that don’t know their father. But that child, that little boy or girl grows up and wonder did I do something to not want my dad to love me. Or, why does he treat me differently than his other children. The questions that come forth and no one can answer them except  the father that’s not presence…(what could be his reasons?) Im crying in silence, but I really want to be heard, but i’m afraid that what I may say isn’t being taking in the manner of how I really feel. Sometimes expressing emotions can come out as being disrespectful until someone who has experienced that type of pain can relate to that type of pain. Pain understands pain! You can’t make someone understand your pain by doing wrong to them. And most children that act out are expressing a pain they don’t understand themselves. But guess what, these kids turn into adults who still have issues and take it out on other adults who can’t fix their problems. What wasn’t dealt with in childhood will torment you in adulthood. If no-one has the discernment to properly interpret the silent expressions, that pain now breeds generational torment, that diminishes that “Value” they have for themselves. Can someone please hear me! When you cry and really want someone to hear you and understand your pain, but can’t. Not that they don’t want to, but just don’t understand what you’re going through and how you feel.  When you can’t solve their pain sometimes they lash out on you out of trying to make you understand. I know that hurt can make you do things you normally wouldn’t do to yourself and others. Many have cried sometimes wondering why they had to endure through the things they went through, and they didn’t do anything to deserve what happened to them..they just want to be loved and cared for like everyone else. One statement was given”Dang I just want to be loved like I show love”. This statement is made by many who unfortunately don’t have a voice in society who haven’t pull in the ears of those who are suppose to listen. As I take a glance back into the depths of uncertainty, I seem to realize that these same emotions grow with you as you continue grow. From a child all the way until adulthood those silence tears become echos from a past that continues too torment and eat away at you. We see grown men that look the part of having it all together, just to look a little closer into their eyes and see that the glimmer of happiness is no longer there for their situation, their status, their love life, their family, just about everything. Some say to themselves, God please help me to overcome this!! With more questions than answers, tears began to roll down cheeks not knowing a direction to go. People are placed in your life for reasons and seasons, sometimes you don’t get the full scope of your situation until you have someone who can help walk you through it.

Walking though life by yourself isolates you from the true

nurture of family. Family isn’t necessarily blood related but someone

who sees your value, pain, your limitations, and quirks, and remain constant

In your life. Not only to congratulate you but to help guide you.

Sometime you walk through valleys that make you see your life from a perspective that makes you want to just do life all over again. Yes do it all over! The most intimate times of your life are by yourself thinking and wondering about the what’s, the whys, and will things ever change. Have you ever wonder how we may invest many years of education: yet no-one ever taught us how to love ourselves, one of the most important things to know in life. NOW…that statement isn’t true to everyone, just based on what environment you were raised in or given the necessary outlook on life, some may have been taught. Im looking at the diverse outlook of men and women and see the brokenness of the hearts and minds, and the silent tears that takes grip of there very being. But what happens when then they turn around and hurt the very ones that try to love them unconditionally.  Look at yourself and say have I hurt someone while I was in my state of brokenness?  We can be deep at times and and seem self-righteous in many areas and say I would never do that! Yet look around and really examine the areas of your life. These tears are from areas of our lives  that have been neglected and malnourished with love. How do I stop from crying inside and see the good that he been afforded to me even in my hurtful place. I want to think on the good and lovely things that are a constant in my life, but it’s a voice that tugs at me to keep me in a state of regret. I just want to be heard and these areas in my life Fixed. While getting a lot of this information from different men across the nation you see the urgency of why that statics of men are growing daily. It takes me back to the little boy on the inside trying to raise his head in my life, but at this moment it will make me to vulnerable. I’m really not suppose to feel these feelings of loneliness and helplessness. As boys growing into men, we’re taught almost from a code to not show emotions. No it’s not verbally said all the time ,but you subconsciously pick it up through society, tv, social media, and also your family. It’s not easy being who you don’t even know to be. You try and try and that seems as though it’s not good enough or valued. At times you’re a punching bag of demands and expectations you know you can’t even achieve, but you try anyways. “Wheeeeew” so much emotions trapped into a body and you wonder why men are dying at a dramatic young age.  40’s and 50 year old are stressed out with the demands of life, marriage, careers, sports, self-esteem, and making sure their children have a better life, their legacy! But when it comes to why the Fathers are becoming an extinct brand In society, we believe men can handle it and get through, and just suck it up. We need and outlet of communication with a grace of understanding. Sometimes we don’t get the revelation of what grace is until we have bad things to happen to us, after we have done wrong to others. We cry aloud within ourselves! You may say that’s not healthy and I totally agree. In this season of life I’ve found many saying they are crying for unknown reasons, I believe its a build up of years of emotional burial. Even to the point many don’t sleep as well at night (eyes closed snoring, but mind racing about what has happen or what needs to be done for tomorrow), can drive and forget exactly where you are going due to being emotionally unstable. Emotionally unstable doesn’t mean you want to hurt someone or do something wrong. You’re just not at a place of certainity.

Through research and conversations I found out that you start to see men change careers mid-stream and start doing things they normally would never have done. They found a place to where the hurt no longer drives them, but now they are driving the hurt to work for them. Crying is a release to help water the dreams to began to dream again. Once you began to dream again the cries are no longer a factor of being heard, your actions now display a victory of an inward battle.

My objective is to be a better man than I was yesterday. Sometimes it takes humbling yourself enough to know that the mistakes I made did set me back some, but my set back wasn't my holding place. My tomorrow, is cheering for me to be better!